i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
