So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
