Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
