maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
