woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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