Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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