He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
