I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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