dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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