she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
