Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
