I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
no, he came in my armpit
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
