I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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