I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Never joke about your clitoris.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
