I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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