He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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