I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
