Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
