I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
