party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
