I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize