The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
