just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
