There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
