Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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