Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
