I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
