Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
