Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
