im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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