Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
