He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
