so that wasnt chicken after all
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize