one might say we're banned from that church
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
