I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Terrible idea I love it
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
