at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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