So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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