Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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