Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
