I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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