So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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