Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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