why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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