Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
