i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
