did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
