She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Everclear isn't food dammit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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