If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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