I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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