At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize