i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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