I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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