Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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