We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sext me about skeletons
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
