Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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