Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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