if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
