Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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