I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
