I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
