Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
