just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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