I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
