eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
