Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
