Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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