and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
