he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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