Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
