SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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