Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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