I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
