I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
