I puked a lego.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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