listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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