ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
