my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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