we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just found puke in my bra..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
