You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
