i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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