you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
