Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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