So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
